It’s not news that the Universe always has a way of making you look like a fool the moment you make a decision or form an opinion out loud, or in my case, in a blog. Some call it Karma. Some call it signs or fate. We all come up with explanations for it but it all fundamentally means that the minute you speak up, the Universe will decide to stick a symbolic yet gigantic foot in your mouth.
It can happen in many ways. For example, you say, “I never want to get married.” In the next week, you’ll meet someone that makes you feel tingly and warm just like every semi comedic, falsely romantic movie tells you you’re supposed to feel.
Another scenario is when you and that tingle worthy person decide to go “steady”. You are so sure of your decision and happy to be part of a couple. That is when all the hot guys that weren’t around when you were single decide not only that they are available but that they want to go out with you. Gigantic foot, I tell ya.
In my case, it was the recent rambling about being unemployed and how it was all an evil plot from all corporations in order to make me feel inadequate. I had sworn off employment and with that came a sweet freedom accompanied by comfy sweatpants and sleeping in until eleven in the morning.
Twenty four hours hadn’t passed since the posting of the The Curse of the Graduate when I got the call. You know, that call that you had given up on saying you got the job. I got it. For the next few hours, I behaved dimwitted and slightly retarded; probably the same way a lot of people behaved after watching Inception.
I couldn’t make sense of the whole situation. It had been months, half a year to be exact. Was this some kind of joke? Wasn’t there some sort of expiration date for these kinds of things, say a month or two? Surely they weren’t being serious.
But as it turns out, they don’t do kidding. They were for real. I am no longer unemployed. I am officially a functional contributive individual in this society. As of tomorrow at 8am.
So if you want to get a job already and are pissed with people leaving you waiting around like you are Nelson Mandela –he waited a long time in case you didn’t know- you must taunt the Universe. Write a blog about how much looking for a job sucks. Go right up to your future boss, point him dramatically and call bullshit! Tell him your time is precious and you are sick and tired of playing games. Whine incessantly to your friends until they ignore your phone calls. Be creative in sending your message out there. The crazier the better. Before you know it, the curse will be broken and you will be a coffee drinking, morning loving working woman -or man-.
I will miss my sweatpants though. I don’t think I remember how to match clothes anymore.